Parts Work (Internal Family Sytems)
I have struggled with perfectionism for most of life. It’s a part of me that is so often present in the ways I show up in the world that I sometimes forget it’s there. I notice it when I get dressed in the morning, when I have conversations with colleagues, and when I have to perform or showcase my work in some fashion. It’s that little voice in the back of my head saying “don’t do this unless it’s perfect”. Historically, this part of me has tried so hard to help me feel safe, accepted by others, and successful. It tries to do this in the best way it knows how, despite the stress and heavy burden it carries as a result of so much labor.
We all have parts, like this, that make up the complicated fabric of who we are. Perhaps we have parts that manage our lives by staying organized and on top of things. Other parts want to let loose, be spontaneous, or seek pleasure. Many of us have parts that dissociate to various degrees and push away unwanted feelings or experiences. I think you get the point here—we all have these different aspects of our personality.
The model of Internal Family Systems (IFS) rests on the belief that there are no bad parts! All parts of us have a positive intention in our lives, however misguided they may be in helping us the way they intend to. For example, you may have part of you that cause you to shut down during conflict in order to stay safe, but by doing so prevent you from being able to express your needs and feelings. Parts of us often show up in extreme ways, and get forced into roles they don’t want due to trauma or negative life experiences. Through understanding these aspects of ourselves better and how they took on these burdens in the first place, we can help them heal.
I have found parts work to be extremely valuable professionally and personally. It offers a gentle and compassionate approach to get to know the aspects of ourselves that show up most often in our lives, and relate to them in a loving way.
You might be a great candidate for IFS therapy if you:
Have found that while helpful, traditional talk therapy has been limited in helping you move forward and get unstuck
Find yourself overcome by certain feelings or behaviors that tend to take control and you’re not sure why
Feel stuck in old ways of thinking or feeling that may be rooted in trauma and are looking for a more somatic, embodied approach
Want to build skills to turn toward the parts of yourself instead of pushing them away
Wish to find balance within your system