Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Many of us grew up in a home where although our basic needs may have been met, we felt lonely, insecure, or unseen. Perhaps our parents struggled with depression, anger, or addiction, and their ability to show up for us emotionally was inconsistent or non-existent. While these experiences are often subtle and hard to put words to, they shape how we think about ourselves and how we try to connect with the people in our lives.
Many of us might have learned that it’s not okay to express negative feelings at home, or that there was little space for our own subjective experiences. This may have hampered our ability to recognize, process, and speak to the emotions we experience as human beings. We all cope with these experiences differently—you may have developed people pleasing tendencies to stay safe at home, or you may have turned to perfectionism as a way to gain validation and be seen. A large part of our work in therapy will be bringing insight and understanding to how you coped with these situations growing up, and how those coping styles shaped aspects of who you are today.
Once we can put words to these experiences and understand how were were impacted by them, many of us feel empowered to seek out and create the kind of relationships that serve us as adults. Whether these are romantic relationships, friendships, or relationships with family, knowing how to skillfully set boundaries and speak to our needs with clarity helps us maintain the kind of relationships we want. My approach focuses on building these skills so you feel empowered to communicate your needs in all the relationships in your life.
Skills that we will build upon together include:
Identifying your how your needs as a child were/were not met by your caregivers
Naming the ways you coped growing up to stay loved and accepted by your family, peers, etc
Understand how growing up with parents who struggle with emotional maturity and/or narcissism have impacted how you see yourself, how you feel, and how you show up in the world
Identify the hallmark signs of emotional maturity versus emotional immaturity and understand the spectrum that falls on
Get clear on your values and how to set boundaries in relationships to maintain healthy connections with others
Review specific skills to set boundaries with difficult people in your life